BDSM Rules: what you need to know about dominance and submission

While Ana and Christian Grey make it look pretty easy, there is a whole lot more that goes into BDSM than you might guess just from watching Fifty Shades.
Kinky sees might seem as easy as slapping on some handcuffs and calling it good, but that is certainly not the case. Safe BDSM is something that requires much more nuance than a lot of people expect. You have to have a few things in place in order to make sure that you aren’t hurting one another, you’re respecting boundaries, and you practice within the boundaries of what is acceptable risk for you both.
So, listen up my freaky friend, I’m going to break down some basics for you surrounding the world of BDSM Dating Apps!
Bondage, Dominance/Discipline, Submission/Sadism, and Masochism: What do these things mean?
So, bondage obviously refers to being restrained in some sort of way. This is where the handcuffs and ropes and whatnot come into play.
Dominance refers to the person who is “in charge” in the sexual situation (I put “in charge” in quotes because obviously everyone is in charge of their own body, everyone has limits which I will touch on later). The “D” also can refer to discipline which is usually used by the dominant to train a submissive’s behavior.
Submission refers to the person taking on the subservient role in the sexual situation. The “S” can also refer to Sadism, which means to derive pleasure from inflicting pain)
On the other hand, we have Masochism, which means to derive pleasure from pain.
Other acronyms to keep in mind:
Make sure you remember to keep things Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) when you’re practicing BDSM. You should also practice Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) as well. Always keep this in mind when you’re playing. BDSM is about control in a lot of ways. The submissive should be able to trust they can give up control to their dominant because the dominant’s responsibility is to remain in control, not to lose it.
Safe words and limits:
Before engaging in BDSM with someone, you need to have a discussion about one another’s limits. Here is where you list what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. I highly recommend writing these things down so you always have something to reference. These are not suggestions, these are hard guidelines you must operate within (otherwise you aren’t being Safe, Sane, or Consensual).
Safe words are words that you and your partner previously decide on to indicate when things are getting to be too much. Make sure that your safe word isn’t too complicated because you might forget it in the moment, but also make sure it’s something out of the ordinary that you wouldn’t slip out of your mouth accidentally during sex or conversation. I personally am a big fan of using RED and the stoplight system. It’s easy to remember, easy to say, and clearly indicates “STOP”. Also as a dominant make sure you’re checking in with your submissive even if they’re not using their safe word (they might be trying to tough it out for you), checking in is vital to RACK!
Unlike our boy Mr. Grey, you do not ignore Safe words or limits, because once you do that you’re guilty of a little thing called ASSAULT. So, don’t assault people, listen to their safe words!
Now that you know the basics, you might just be ready to try out that blindfold! Have fun getting kinky, freaky reader!

3 Ways to Get Cozy With Bae

For those of you who aren’t too thrilled about winter weather, I feel you. Secondly, though I know you’d love to you can’t just hole up in your blanket fort and hibernate until spring, especially if you’re in a relationship. If you have a long-time bae or are nurturing a budding relationship you realistically can’t afford to sleep all winter, otherwise come spring you’ll emerge from your cave with no one to love.

I know that going outside sucks. Driving in the winter somehow sucks even more. So, I’ve come up with a couple festive date ideas that involve minimal contact with the freezing outdoors.

1. Bar Trivia
Why go outside and play in the snow when you can stay inside an almost uncomfortably warm pub and drink!?

Form a team with other couples or with friends and head to a bar for trivia night. As it nears the holidays bars will have festive, holiday themed trivia nights which make the night even better! Order a beer with your bae and sing Christmas songs to annoy your competitors. I assure you this is an A+ strategy.

2. Coffee Dates
Maybe you’re not a drinker or are just super hungover, but if you don’t feel like having a beer or two or three you should head to your nearest coffee shop for a date. Order something hot and peppermint flavored and plop down for some good conversation. Bring a book and have a little reading shesh.

A lot of coffee shops have live music events, from acoustic performances to open mics. Make it a point to go to one of these events with bae and cozy up while the hipsters sing Islandic folk songs – or whatever else is trendy right now.

3. Spa Day
With the weather getting colder and colder your skin definitely needs a little bit of a break. So, drop some cash and go to a spa for the day with bae!

If you’re tight on money because of the holidays – or because the economy sucks right now – take a trip to Target and create your own living room spa real quick. They have mud and sheet masks for around a dollar and endless bath stuff. Drop a couple bucks on some bubble bath and super moisturizing lotion and enjoy.

4. Hot Tub
If you’re like me you want to limit your exposure to winter weather as much as physically possible. So you might be asking why I’ve included something that very well might take place outdoors… well, because it’s warm.

When you’re sitting in a hot tub during the winter you are the perfect balance of hot and cool. You’re not suffocating because you’re too hot because you have cool air hitting the parts of your body that aren’t submerged! So find your nearest hot tub, run as fast as you can through the cold, and jump in.

5. Festive Blanket Fort
If you have no desire to leave your hibernation cave then this idea is perfect. Grab all your pillows and blankets and get building! String Christmas lights over and inside your fort to make it extra festive. I recommend making some hot chocolate – with or without peppermint schnapps – and queuing up a holiday movie on Netflix for full effect.

Don’t celebrate any holidays? Or aren’t religious? Well, Groundhog Day is the perfect solution.

Here’s more ways to stay warm in the winter!